Yesterday when I got my haircut (for the first time since April because my hairdresser was....get ready.... on maternity leave!) She said I had a "glow" and she (as she has for about the last 8-10 appointments) is sure I will be pregnant soon. I thanked her and kept to myself that the "glow" to which she referred was actually a side effect of the progesterone capsule I had stuck up my honeypot earlier that morning.
The people in my "real" life have been wonderful, supportive and everyone really wants us to have kids. My mom is saying a novena for me. My aunt is lighting candles. With one glaring exception**, I have received a lot of encouragement. But that doesn't make it any easier when on the family camping trip the photos of my cousin's new baby get pulled out. When I am convinced to throw a baby shower for another cousin. When yet another cousin, her sister, announces she is pregnant and isn't sure she ever wanted to be. She is not thrilled.
I am trying really hard to stay positive about this cycle, which barely has its feet off the ground, but it is getting increasingly difficult. My sister said she had a "special feeling" that can only be described as "warm and fuzzy" every time she was pregnant. She felt it right away. And she just knew. I don't feel anything. Do I give up now, brace myself for inevitable disappointment and look into my other options? Not that any amount of forewarning would make it any less disappointing. On the other hand, if I think like that am I bringing some kind of negative energy/harmful neurotransmitters/bad luck to myself? Now that I have finished Harry Potter 6 and the pond is esentially done, how do I distract myself during this wretched, wretched Two Week Wait?
**That would be the A-hole from work who cheats on his wife that said to Dan, "When are you guys just going to admit you can't have kids and move on?" Dan's retelling of this story was what ruined an otherwise perfect anniversary dinner here. Luckily the white chocolate raspberry torte was three-quarters finished before he layed that on me. But, I must say those last few bites didn't taste NEARLY as good. It is somewhat made up for by the fact that the alaskan halibut with chanterelle sauce was to die for and I was still feeling all warm and fuzzy from it. Hey, I guess I do have that "feeling", afterall!
Are you f-ing kidding me? Jebus you have the shit luck right now. I think I'd like to kick that guy in his fertile little nutballs.
And don't worry about 'feeling' anything. Some women (and you know this) don't feel anything for weeks and weeks. Keeping my fingers crossed!!!
Posted by: korin | July 28, 2005 at 05:23 PM