I think I need a new category entitled "hating the world".
The last two days of my life were utter hell. First, I had a creeping cold that started out as a sore throat, then became a cough then mutated into blocked sinuses and a killer headache. Last night it started to effect my ears. Where will it go next? Want to take bets? Speaking of bets....The day before yesterday (that was a sore throat/ cough day) We had a baby shower for the latest two pregnant people at work. It all went fine. I was smiley and gracious and happy for them until the yahoos at my place of work decided to start a betting pool to see who would get pregnant first: Me or my 24 yr old assistant. Well, anybody who bets on me should get a huge payout in the off chance they win since I am such a long shot. No less than four people asked me when Dan and I are going to start a family. How many ways can I wittily and charmingly say "I don't FUCKING KNOW!" before I do something I might regret?
Yesterday it seems as if everyone brought their small children to work. It was a virtual day care center. As a result I learned some things about myself and made some decisions. Number one: unlike my younger self, I don't like children just because they are children. Just like adults, I need to know them first. No matter how cute he was, I was unable to drum up any feelings for my assistant's two year old. Number two: this is my solemn vow: my house is now and will remain until the end of time Wiggles and Barney free. I'm okay with Elmo, though.
To top it off, I have just been in a PMS-induced foul mood. I wanted to be cool and happy and friendly and funny. But I was drowning in a pool of hormonal transitions I could not control. I am sorry to say that the last impression I left on coworkers before going away for summer break was a dark, bitter humorless one. And as I left school the wave broke and I unleashed a year's worth of emotions. What should have been a happy, exciting day (summer break! Yay!) was depressing and sad. Dan had all the good intentions in the world, but he just doesn't know what to do with me when I become an insane pool of hormonal goo. So, I went over to my sisters and my mom was there babysitting. She made roast beef and potatoes. Mmm, two glasses of two-buck chuck and 7 hours of venting later, I felt a little better.
I think I just finally let go. Honestly, I am not always like this! If you have just found me, read back to February or March. You'll see. I can be light and cheery. I'll come around again. Tomorrow, I get on an airplane for LAX to spend five days with the lovely and Talented JJ and Corbin in the land of sunshine and dirty air. I'm hoping to leave all this behind.
It's ok to vent - you have every right to. Hang in there, dear! :)
Posted by: Victoria Winters | June 17, 2005 at 11:15 AM
Yay, venting. And in my experience, it always goes a little better with a bottle of Chuck! Out here in chicago, it costs three dollars a bottle--but I can't complain!
Posted by: altmama | June 17, 2005 at 01:37 PM
Listne to Maynard!
~Perfect Circle
~TOOL
He can make things better.
Posted by: Aaron the Truck Driver | June 17, 2005 at 02:19 PM
It's the clomid. Really. As soon as I started taking it, i went a little crazy. 4 months later, I'm me again! :D
When you're back from Smogworld, we should meet and knit. :D and drink.
Posted by: korin | June 20, 2005 at 10:28 AM